Things I remember

It's been over two weeks since I've posted, I know. Today isn't a post about Lily or what's been going on in our lives. Today is a trip down memory lane.

Two years ago today my Grandma Hajek passed away from complications due to cancer. I remember being in so much shock when my sister told me the news in the airport after I had picked her up. We were trying desperately to get to Florida in time to say goodbye to her. I really thought she would be around for much longer, and I was so excited to tell her that she was going to be a great grandmother but never had that chance. I like to think that God gives our loved ones the heads up when something wonderful happens here on earth, but who really knows that for sure?

It’s been almost 6 months (on the 24th) since Grandpa Hajek died from ocular cancer that had spread to his major organs. For some reason I’ve been thinking a lot about both of them the past week. I don’t want to be depressing here, but they were both a HUGE part of my life and their absence still affects me. The simple ability to pick up the phone and call someone… it’s hard to put into words how much it hurts to not be able to do that anymore when that person is no longer here. I still start to cry sometimes thinking about them in the most random places. I know from Grandma's passing that this is normal and might not ever go away completely. 

I’ve had more time to get used to Grandma being gone, but I still find myself not believing that my Grandpa Hajek isn’t with us anymore. I’ll think to myself, “I need to mail him that picture of Lily, he would really like it…” or “I need to write him a letter and update him on all the latest happenings”. Or I’ll think that we need to call him so he doesn’t worry about us. Whenever I go home to Charlotte and enter the living room, I see the recliner he rested in so often during his final weeks. Sometimes I expect to find him sitting there. Oh, I how I wish he was still sitting there. I miss his “Hi doll!” when I came into the room he was in.

I’m still sad that Grandma Hajek never got to meet Lily. Oh, they would have loved each other – of that I have no doubt.

Even through the tears and the waves of sadness, I laugh remembering the happy times. And man, were there a lot of happy times and good memories made in the three plus decades I had them. So, I’m just going to devote this post today to the things I remember about them that make me smile (and maybe make me cry too). Forgive any run on sentences as I’m writing as I think.

When I was little, Grandpa made me a grilled cheese sandwich. He cut it in half, but he cut it into rectangles. This was not acceptable to my 7 year old self. For some reason, my grilled cheese HAD to be cut in half but in TRIANGLES. He made another one and cut it into triangles, and ate the other sandwich for lunch with me. How many other people would have gotten frustrated and said “Eat the sandwich, you little brat, and be thankful I even made it for you!” ?

Grandma always had Nutter Butters on hand for me. Always. I remember not long after she died, completely losing it in the local Publix standing in the cookie aisle in front of the Nutter Butters. I haven’t bought any since she died, but I do smile when I see them in the store now.

Grandpa introduced me to the deliciousness that is cream cheese spread on Ritz crackers and made into little sandwiches. Also to peanut butter spread between graham crackers and dipped into milk for breakfast. I have since introduced Lily to these tasty wonders, and she is a huge fan as well. Someday when she’s old enough I’ll tell her how much her Grandpa Hajek loved graham crackers and peanut butter for breakfast and used to stack 5 crackers for his breakfast. He did not sell me on corned beef or cow’s tongue sandwiches, though he certainly gave his best effort!

Grandpa used to sing to me. His song of choice was “You are My Sunshine.” When he reached the “You’ll never know just how much I love you” he would reach out and squeeze my hand. Every time I heard it growing up, I thought of him. I sing it to Lily, have since she was born, and don’t want anyone else singing it to her. I wanted to sing it to him in hospice. I wish I would have. I was too afraid I would cry.

Grandma sang to us too. “When cows get up in the morning, they always say good day…” and she would laugh. We would too because it was so funny to hear her making these incredibly exaggerated animal noises. Grandma was usually so reserved and the picture of politeness so anytime she let loose it was like seeing a completely different person!

Grandpa was generally sweet to us grandkids, but prone to getting angry quickly, especially when I was younger. He was known for his temper and sharp tongue. I decided to buy him “Temper Pills” that I saw at a crafts festival. They were jellybeans, but I swear they worked. I still remember Grandma silently shaking with laughter behind him as he opened them and read the label with surprise. I don’t think he was really aware that I noticed his tendency to fly off the handle when things didn’t go his way until then.

I don’t think I ever saw my Grandma Hajek angry. She was as steady as they come when it came to her emotions.

I don’t remember this firsthand, but have heard the story many times… Grandpa taught me to fish at a young age. He told me that I was determined to learn to cast and did so over, and over, and over, and over, and over… until I was really good at casting. Better than I should have been for my age.

My sister and I were homeschooled, so our mom put Grandpa in charge of woodshop during one of their month long visits. He decided we would make a birdhouse. We drew up the blueprint together, and I insisted that it have a chimney and real shingles on it. He questioned the need for a chimney and shook his head at the ridiculousness of it…but that birdhouse had a little red chimney on it when all was said and done.

Grandma let us cook with her. She always made us our favorite meals.

During college, most of my classmates went on wild spring break trips. I went to Disney World with my grandparents and stayed with them for a week. It was so much fun, and I’m so glad I had that entire week with them. We stayed at Fort Wilderness in their trailer home, and went into the parks every day. Grandpa and Grandma would get fast passes at each ride and I would ride them three times in a row during the time slot since they didn’t ride the rides. We talked and joked in between rides and while waiting in lines. I had a big exam to take after spring break, so Grandpa quizzed me on flashcards that I brought along with me while we waited in line. (I aced that test as a result) I’m so glad I didn’t go to Mexico or somewhere else for that spring break like the rest of my classmates did.

Grandpa used to crack jokes all the time. He would say, “This is my computer” while holding up a pencil. We never did manage to talk him into embracing the wonders of e-mail.  Sometimes he would tell my sister and I some wild stories and we would believe him until we saw the twinkle in his eye.

Grandpa hated recreational games, but Grandma loved them. So we eagerly played dominoes and card games, and he didn’t complain once.

Grandpa loved to fish. I spent a lot of time with him in his small fishing boat growing up. One of my favorite memories is Grandpa taking us out on the boat for what was one of the last times he was able when Ethan and I visited in December 2010. He stopped the boat in the middle of the lake and reminded Ethan and I to cherish every minute we had together. This was during Grandma’s battle with pancreatic cancer when she was undergoing outpatient chemo treatment.

Listening to Grandpa and my husband discuss cars was always fun. They had that in common (as well as being emergency first responders as police and fire) and it always got quite lively. When we were visiting him in the hospital (one of his wishes was to see Ethan one last time before he died), you wouldn’t have even known he was sick with the banter going on about Ethan’s 1964 Valiant. He loved cars and working with his hands.

Every time I wrote to my grandparents (which was often), I would always sign it like this. I continued to do this up until my last letter to him.

Love,

     Lauren

Grandma                                                                         Grandpa

XOXOXOXOXOX                                                       XOXOXOXOXOX

OXOXOXOXOXO                                                       OXOXOXOXOXO

I was very careful to make sure the hugs and kisses were equally distributed. When Grandma passed away, I still signed my letters that way. I didn’t want him to think she wasn’t remembered or any less loved. They kept all of my letters to them, which surprised me. I learned that they would reread them when they missed me. Makes me wish I had kept all of theirs. I still do have a few. Grandma’s handwriting was perfect, and Grandpa loved to brag about how beautiful her writing was. She usually wrote the letters from them, but Grandpa sometimes made the effort to write me one. His letters were written in ALL CAPS. They were short, but sweet, and I always appreciated that he took the time to write them.

Nobody is perfect, and my grandparents certainly weren’t. I’ve learned a lot in the past two years from their lives and deaths. Things to do, things not to do, and everything in between. And as sad as I am that they aren’t here anymore, and as much as I miss them, I am so grateful that they were a part of my life and wouldn’t change that for anything. I look forward to seeing them again someday and am so grateful to be able to grieve their absence with that hope!